I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
