He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
