Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
