I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
