I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
