There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
