I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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