the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
two words: eviction party
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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