There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
