Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
