walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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