my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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