Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize