his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
