at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
