Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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