The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
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