My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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