just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
