Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
