Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
