She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
