just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
did i walk over a car last night?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
