The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
