I'm gonna have a badass scar
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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