sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
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