He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize