I could have mohawked her pubes.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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