I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I woke up under a house in Key West
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