dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
