I'm going to jail i love you
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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