Are we in a gay sports bar?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
