I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
