Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
