i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
