Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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