My first STD was from a foam party
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
