Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
