Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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