I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
