Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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