i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
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