I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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