Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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