hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
