Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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