Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
