how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
id be glad to
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
