1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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