glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
