I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
