you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
