I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
