nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
