Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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