last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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