Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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