shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He better not be in your backpack
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
