you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
