WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
