textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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