I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
