I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
