High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
