WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
we're so committed to being not committed
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
