she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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