I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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