I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
