tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
