haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
