i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
