Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
